Don’t you just hate it when that husband won’t listen?
Wow, are you in for quite the treat today!
This is an article pulled from June 2018 issue of our Mom Warrior Magazine.
That month of June…
… it was the month of the anniversary of when your Coach and his lovely bride got married!
You probably weren’t at the wedding, so you likely missed the weirdest, most unique, most funny, most DIFFERENT vows ever given to another…
You can check out history in the making by clicking here…
Afterwards everybody was complimenting me on them and quite a few of the wives said that them vows need to be put up on a plaque somewhere. Someplace where every man should see it and live their Marriage according to them Vows.
It’s only been 2 years since I said those words in front of our family, friends, and good Lord. However, saying those vows to my Bethany has certainly steered my life in a whole new direction.
It was like the standard and expectation to live up to that has taken me to new heights. When I said those vows, it was before I had any idea about devoting my life to serving Moms.
To waging war on stress and tiredness.
In fact, I would say it’s a pretty good conclusion that this Magazine wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for them Vows.
In fact, Vow #14…
…which was to read at least one book a month that makes me a better husband…
It’s because of that Vow that I have read lots of “relationship”, self-help and marriage books.
I would learn something cool from reading those books.
A friend would complain about their husband and I would tell her it’s because of yada yada yada this guy thing that I just learned…
…and then all of a sudden they would listen to what I said and their relationship would get better!
Add that to the other piles of servitude of stress abolishment we’re devoted to.
and that led to the idea of just housing all this helpful stuff for Moms under this magazine!
Isn’t it cool how life works out like that sometimes?!
So what you get here is a play-by-play rundown of them vows and insight into this guy’s brain for each one.
I’ll be adding a bit more to it with some “husband-whisperer” stuff and making it into a BOOK before long!
Go ahead and hit that link below here to get put on the early notification list when the book is ready for you, okay?
If you’re wondering how to get your husband to put you first…
Then feel free to share it with your husband if you think he could use a little help in making YOU the center of his universe.
He’s married to YOU so he better be feeling thankful!
You’re as amazing, brave, hard-working, loving, and full of dedication as they come!
Now without further adieu, (did I spell that right?) here comes them Vows!
June 25th, 2016… Coach Spiegel
(before he became Coach of the Mom Warriors and Publisher of the Mom Warrior Magazine)
before his wife,
before the Pastor,
and in front of some of the bestest people on the planet…
…swore these Promises over to his beloved.
So far I am staying true to them! 🙂
1. “I promise to have your well-being in mind in every major decision I make.”
2. “I know I was put on this planet to benefit man and womankind alike, Bethany, and I promise to give you all the glory because I am nothing without you. Whatever good I bring to the world, it will be done with you by my side, not behind me.”
> This one was interesting, Mom Warrior. As you should know by now, I have felt this Call pretty much all of my life.
A Mission, a charge, a purpose given to be by my Creator. Given gifts to follow through on that Mission. To see it succeed.
Also given a CHOICE whether to do it or not.
I don’t know why God picked me to one to bring this ambitious Mission of stress kaboshment and Love unleashed for all the brave Moms of the world like you. But she did.
(I imagine our Lord as a female, just so you know. When I think of God, I think of Love. When I think of Love, I think of a Mother’s Love.)
I tried ignoring it because I figured the Road ahead would be difficult, painful, and too outside my comfort zone.
YIKES! Did that ever turn out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life!
Ignoring it built up a corrosive plaque-like “something” in me that spilled over into every aspect of my life.
Led to me losing my self, losing my Way, and leading to self-destructive behavior. Led to what should have been my ultimate downfall if God and Bethany hadn’t intervened with their Love and saved me.
Part of that Vow I made to Bethany in that was also me Vowing to never ignore that Call ever again!
No matter how fearful or uncomfortable the route would take me!
I had just began my entrepreneurial journey the year we were married and I was right in the middle of creating my “How To Lose The Baby Weight” Program for new Moms..
…and Mom Warrior came from about 18 iterations and pivots from that point. It’s from that Vow That the Mom Warrior was born! Pretty cool, right?!
#3) “I promise to sing all your favorite songs to you really off key, but still really cute! “
> This got the first laughs! It’s from this moment on that our guests knew they were in for a bit of a different experience than other Vows shared at other weddings! 😉
#4 “I promise to stay faithful. To not have eyes for any other girl but you.
This one isn’t a problem since you’re already the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. You make me feel thankful to be alive.”
> Totally meant this one all the way! That’s one of the best compliments you can ever give someone, that they make you feel glad to be alive. Back in my single days, I was pretty miserable and lonely each day.
Each day felt like a drag. Each new experience, like Holidays and stuff, I would imagine how much better it would be with my true love by my side.
Being alive just wasn’t that much fun. I turned this pain into progress. Poured it into workouts.
Into doing Bodybuilding shows. Became obsessed with how I looked and maintaining such a low body fat percentage.
Doubled down on being a personal trainer and continued to work to benefit others. It was all meant to keep that depression, self-doubt, and low self-worth at bay.
I may have looked like a magazine cover model on the outside, but on the inside I was ugly, scared, not confident, and hated myself.
I learned to be okay on my own, but it wasn’t until Bethany came around and accepted all of me that I discovered what an awesome gift it is to be alive.
Look to your loved one today. Thank them for being in your life. Let them know that they make YOU glad to be alive!
Got that done? Good… …Let’s move on!
#5: “I promise to always open the car door for you. Should I ever slip up, you have full permission to go ahead and WALE ON THAT HORN!”
> So far so good at this one! It’s part of the “Gentleman Code” if you will that I fully adhere to! Bethany loves it each time I do! 🙂
#6: “I promise to always put the seat down on that toilet”
> This one was already so programmed in me, that it tis such a total no-brainer! Plus, how awful would it be for her to plop down into a butt full of cold, toilet water!?
#7: “I promise that if I should ever let a fart go in bed, to NOT hold you underneath the covers!”
> My goal for this one was to give the good listeners something they have never heard before, nor will likely ever hear again from a wedding! Mission Accomplished! 🙂 Easily one of the more controversial Vows I made that day and certainly got quite the laugh from our guests!
#8: “Whenever you walk into a room, I promise to be like “gasp” and be all like “Bethany!” and let there be that little flutter in my heart and catch in my breath a bit.
…and smile, since that’s all you have to do to get me to smile is enter the room.”
Mom, can I get real with you for a sec? This Vow was like me Vowing to God to keep breathing each day. I can’t really help this one from happening or not. It just does!
I am just so smitten with this Bethany woman and can’t believe that she feels the same for me as I do for her.
Its most days that I thank her for being my wife. No reason you can’t do that for your guy! Put your ego aside and…
…Go THANK him for being your husband. I know, I know, he should be thanking YOU, but you can’t control him. You can only control yourself. That can be some of the best advice I have for you from these Vows…
…just LOOK for reasons to Love your Man. (that is if you Love him) 🙂
Point that out to him. How wonderful it is to be loved by him, let that Love through! Today, after you’re done reading this, go tell him that you Love him, but add a “WHY” afterwards…
…Add a “Because” with it. “I love you BECAUSE you’re so go good with the kids.” “I Love you because you came home from work today.”
Set that expectation bar low and JUST LOOK! As soon as it enters your beautiful brain, let him know! You promise to do that? Good. I believe in you, Mom Warrior.
#9: “I promise to do the dishes on Monday? (pause) too far? Okay, I’ll do them tomorrow! “
> And I did! 😉
#10: “I promise to support you in whatever subject or endeavor you go down. You’re fabulous, therefore, anything YOU get into has to be fabulous as well!
For example, let’s say you start getting into Roller Derby. And you start wanting to be like one of the cool, tough, bad(bleep) chicks…
…I’ll support you in that because you’re amazing. Therefore, Roller Derby must be amazing.”
> Oh, Mom! You should have seen Bethany’s face when I was Vowing this Promise over to her! It was laughter, mixed with confusion, mixed with love! Wonderful moment!
So why Roller Derby? What made me think of that? I had this friend I used to work with and all of sudden his wife comes home having bought a whole bunch of Roller Derby equipment.
She was so excited! She was so fired up! She had just joined the local Roller Derby team and going to start training and kicking butt!
But the husband…
He was MAD! 😠
He thought Roller Derby was the dumbest thing ever. They didn’t have the money to invest in training and equipment.
Plus, it was really dangerous! But she wanted to do it with all her heart. They argued and argued about it for awhile and she ended up getting her way.
But it became a huge source of fights and contention in their relationship. I remember observing this going on and I made a decision that if I was to ever get married, if my wife found something like that and got super passionate about it…
…that I would put all my own feelings and judgements aside and just support hers.
Plus, using Roller Derby as an example there in my Vow was really DIFFERENT! Which means memorable! 🙂
#11: “I promise to not post pics of you on Facebook that I don’t have your permission to.”
> This was another easy one… I got into trouble doing this before, so I was just covering my own butt! 🙂
#12:“I promise to let you have the last beer in the fridge or at least ASK if you want the last beer in the fridge!”
> This was a tough one! This one was the one that got some of the most “What were you thinking!?” responses from (you guessed it!) many of the males at the wedding!
Bethany likes beer more than me, and since recovering from alcoholism, I’m not much of a drinker anymore.
Still, being from Wisconsin, this has been a tough one to uphold. There have been times when I opened the fridge, saw the last beer sitting there…
…thought how good a beer would taste right now. But then I thought of that Vow, and I would feel better knowing Bethany would have it!
YES! A COACHING MOMENT TO SHARE WITH YOU! Do you see what I did there, Dear Mom? All I did was make a choice.
If there is one fundamental secret that all my teachings & coachings that I can pass onto you is…
…it’s that right there. Make a Choice.
Even if it wasn’t for that Vow right there, I would STILL leave that last beer in the fridge for my Mrs. Spiegel. People ask me all the time, why I am so in a good mood and full of energy all the time.
It’s because of that secret. It’s a choice. So here’s the Choice I make in my head when I see the last beer sitting there. I have a choice between two “feel goods”.
The ‘feel-good’ from that beer or the ‘feel-good’ from knowing that my Bethany WON’T be feeling lack. She WON’T be opening the fridge and seeing there’s no more beer.
She WON’T be feeling disappointed as I know she would really like that beer. Knowing that feel-good WON’T go down in my beautiful bride’s brain, that feels me up with MORE ‘feel-good.’
So I close the fridge door. 🙂 Know that you have a choice, Mom. Just start becoming aware of the choices and making the one that you want more!
#13: “I promise to give you a flower each month, rather than just a dozen on Valentines. Because my love for you shouldn’t just be shown once a year. But rather throughout the WHOLE year.”
Now this has been the closest one that I have had in screwing up! One month, it was the last day of the month when I bought her her flower!
Even though she expects it and knows her monthly flower is coming, it still lights her up! All the reason for it right there!
#14: I promise to read at least one book a month on how to become a better husband.
This one I am VERY PASSIONATE about! With marriage and relationships being a huge part of our lives…
…with it being sources of our greatest happinesses and lowest lows…
…why don’t more people apply themselves to getting better at it!? It’s like knowing that there’s a Marathon to run, and not training and practicing for it! Just expecting to show up and that’s enough to complete it.
I trust you to share this with your husband and even if they don’t action, at least you can, Mom. (which you’re doing already by reading this!
Good for you!) 🙂
Let’s take Aaron Rodgers for example.
It’s no secret that he LOVES playing the game. LOVES football. Loves being an outstanding quarterback and to be known as one of the best. To him, football is his feel-good.
Performing good on Sundays equals many pleasures to him: In the form of WINNING! In the form of Ego-feeding (that whole “I’m better than you!” stuff).
In the form of feeding his Warrior-Champion nature. In the form of helping his football brethren out…
Oh, and of course the money is pretty cool too! 🙂
So it works out in his favor to show up to practice,
>>>>>>> Do his exercises and nutrition
>>>>> work hard,
>>> study the opponents that week (which is kind of what I do when I read all those “womens’” magazines and relationship books,
although I wouldn’t really call my wife the OPPONENT! ) 🙂
Thereby by doing all of that, it gives Aaron Rodgers the BEST chance to perform on Gameday to get all of that feel good that comes with a great performance and hopefully winning!
That’s all I did with my Vow #14 there. No reason you can’t do the same.
Just as Aaron Rodgers wants to show up the BEST on the field come gameday.
I want to show up as the BEST on the field of marriage and relationship for my wife! So that I can continue to get that ‘feel-good’ that comes with that! Just as it is for Aaron Rodgers.
Then this cool little thing like the Law of Reciprocation kicks in. By me showing up as the BEST husband I can, by knowing all about relationships and the glorious female brain…
…she in turn works to make ME happy! See how it happens!? Starts with you first though, my dear!
Here’s also a cool side note for you.
It’s from this Vow here that this Mom Warrior brand was born! A few months after the wedding I started up the Mom Warriors podcast, not sure where it was going but still taking action anyway.
I was still reading my monthly relationship books like, “5 Love Languages” and “Men are from Mars”. Then share what I learned on the Mom Warrior podcast.
Those would end up being the most popular episodes! I saw there was a huge need for you Moms in this relationship world from the husband’s perspective that wasn’t properly getting met!
Pretty cool, huh?! Do you see what’s possible when Love is your answer!?
#15: I promise to love your family as if they were my own.
> Another easy one as her family is so awesome and loveable! Sometimes we just get super lucky and blessed like that!
#16: I promise to keep working out and work to have a hot bod for you!
This is probably a first in the history of Marriage Vows! Exercise and working out is so rooted in my DNA now (I get that from my Mom who hasn’t stopped working out since the 80’s) 🙂
But it’s always nice to toss in a little extra motivation for those days when I’m just feeling Netflix more than the gym. 🙂
I’m all like “Well, I would love to watch the next episode of “House of Cards” but it’s workout time and I don’t want to break my Vow and go to Hell!”
See Mom, choices. That’s all it is. 😉
#17: “I promise to get you whatever you need when sitting down and you have a lap full of cute pets on you. Whether it is a sammich, water, or the…..last……beer?”
This one got another uproarous laughter from the audience! (maybe I should have been a comedian, I seem to be pretty good at this “making people laugh” stuff!)
>>>Speaking of pets, if your dog is always angrily growling, it must be because he is a cross-breed. 🙂 (that get you smiling?)
Anyways, this one is just being mindful of your sweety. Looking for reasons and “excuses” to serve them.
It goes right along the lines with that Acts Of Service Love Language from that 5 Love Languages book we’ve talked about before.
Bethany’s love language is Words. But that doesn’t mean she can’t receive my love from the other forms! So I find it most beneficial to hit on all 5 on a regular basis.
(p.s. I didn’t even know about the 5 love languages when doing these Vows, but that’s how awesome God works sometimes) 🙂
#18: I promise to hold your hand whenever possible.
This one was more for me than her, I am proud to say! I love hand holding! I know she does too, so might as well make both of us feel good!
#19: To not be angry with you and release my anger upon you if I do get angry. Say hurtful things. Oh, by the way, I take full responsibility for it all. Meaning it will always be my fault.”
This one got the most blowback and objections from my Dad! He wanted to speak up and say something during the wedding to make sure that I wasn’t setting the bar too high for myself…
This is one of the Vows I am most proud of though! It’s one of the secrets to success in this world, to take 100% full responsibility for whatever happens to YOU in your life.
Like it or not, relationships and marriage certainly include that!
When we take full responsibility, it takes the power away from whatever is out there and giving it back to us to do something about it. To make it better. To make the bad stuff from not happening again.
To learn what we could have done different to change it to a more preferential outcome in the future. With me going into this marriage, accepting 100% responsibility for the success of it…
…I am leaving it up to ME that it works out. There’s no wiggle room either. It’s either all in on the responsibility or not.
It’s a much easier cognitive load doing it that way. It’s a final decision. Less thinking and analyzing and “yeah but’s” going on doing it this way. It’s like sticking to a strict diet.
It’s much easier for me to say no to those sugary temptations knowing that I am committed. Just knowing that I can do better. Get better. Show up better.
Thinking through solutions to problems and potential problems… …This gives me freedom, dear Reader. Gives me peace of mind. It gives me a chance to make it right.
To improve our future and our happiness together. If it’s up to something that I can’t control: like other people, the weather, bosses, work, society, the President, what the kids are going to do, the schools, or Money…
…If you give control over the happiness of the relationship over to stuff like that, there isn’t anything that can be done by you to improve it!
If its up anything else besides you, that feels like a trap then, doesn’t it? And who likes feeling trapped!? Certainly not this guy and I’m thinking neither do you!
#20: I promise to always love your cooking!
Another really safe Vow to make for this guy! I actually love to cook and do much of the cooking in the household anyway! 🙂 She doesn’t think she’s that good of a cook, but really she is an excellent cook!
Here’s a funny for you: when I cook something, I just pretend that she did it and then I can compliment her on it!
She thinks it’s so cute! That’s another secret to bashing Marriage stress, LOOK OUT for (and sometimes INVENT) reasons to compliment the other person!
#21: “I promise to always let you pick the show.”
Bethany has such excellent taste and really it’s not about that at all. It’s giving control over to her. It’s not owning the remote control and saying “I’m the MAN, we are going to watch what I WANT!”
This was a point of contention I saw in my parents growing up. (of course, that was when it was only ONE television for the WHOLE HOUSE! Holy cow! How did we ever do it!?) 🙂
So I resolved to not let that be the case for marriage. Besides, no pleasure gleamed from watching MY show would be worth making my wife suffer and be disappointed. (plus, I don’t watch much tv, too busy reading books on HOW TO BE A BETTER HUSBAND!) 🙂
#22: “I promise to put my phone away and give you 1000% of my focus and attention when you are talking to me.”
I personally LOVE this one. And this one has really been the hardest to uphold! Boy, are those phones addicting and “suck-ya-right-in, aren’t they!?” Especially for a guy like me that’s a bit on the ADD side! 🙂
I learned prior to getting married that to Listen is to Love. I know it has always been real off-putting when I am talking to someone and they were playing on their phone.
So when my wonderful wifey talks, I need her to know that she is being heard. That’s the thing about attention, dear Reader, it can only be placed on one thing at once.
By me giving her all of mine in those moments of talking, it shows her that she is what’s most important. For both of us, our Love Language is Words, so adhering to this Vow has been VERY beneficial to both of us.
To be perfectly honest, my cool Reader, I do believe that these phones are one of the top impediments to the happiness of a marriage going on today. It’s not that the phones that are the “bad guys” here, though.
It’s that they are making us very distractible.
AAAAAAND speeding up life and to-do’s way to fast! It is the fact that we can do so many things with them, and allow someone else to have so much access to us.
We’ll get into talking about these phones and their contribution to our overall stress before long, but for now, do what you can.
You love your Hubz, right? What’s he into now? Just go out to him and give him 100% of your attention. Ask questions about what he’s working on.
Be interested in his interests. So what if it doesn’t get your excitement juices flowing like it does his. It shows him that you care! Just like your children are extensions and parts of YOU…
…his projects, his working-ons, his “into’s” are extensions of him. To love and appreciate them are to love and appreciate HIM! As perfect as my Bethany is, this is one area she could use some work on.
Part of that is my fault for not bringing it up with her. So I’ll go do that when I’m done with this, for sure (shout out to my other Vow about taking 100% full responsibility for everything! See how this works!?) 🙂
#23: “I promise to love you, to be in-love with you. To never stop working to be the best person I can for you.
…Your love is the truest, bluest, sweetest love a bloke like me could ever be so lucky to receive!”
This is a bit of a summarization of everything my now new wife went through, with the longest Vow speech ever, as did our audience! Even still, these words would remain astute in keeping a Marriage strong.
>> It’s about being grateful to be with that one special person FOR the other. Plus LOOK for reasons to be thankful to be WITH your One.
> It’s about not taking what you’ve accomplished for granted. Just because Aaron Rodgers might win the SuperBowl and MVP in a year doesn’t mean that he’s going to slack and rest on his laurels the following year.
>> It’s that same perspective, I believe, we should ALL have in our relationships! Then this last message is for you, Mom, to point out any wonderfulness you see in your Hubz.
Us guys are tough. We have to maintain that toughness and “I’m a Man!” all the time. Competition runs fierce in us. We’ve grown up in a society to be strangers to our own feelings and emotions. To stay guarded and protective.
But truly on the inside, we are just big softies and I want you to know that. We crave love and attention from our Queen probably more than anything.
We want to slay dragons, fight bad guys, build castles and win wars in the name of your honor.
Current times and domestication have stripped us of our prowess. We weren’t designed to sit in office chairs and play on computers.
We were designed to WIN BATTLES for you!
To beat up a guy dumb enough to call you a mean name so we can defend your honor. The love William Wallace had for his wrongfully killed wife changed the history of a nation.
That is the desire and drive that is in our hearts to show our Love for you. Today we are expected to show bring home some money. It’s like having a Ferrari and not allowed to go over 10 mph.
We still do the things that hope to get your shine showing on us more. Not totally oblivious to the fact that hopefully it’ll lead to getting some. 🙂
Hoping you will notice us. Hoping you will see us. Hoping we are good enough for an angel like you.
Inside, us guys are truly vulnerable and insecure. To know that we mean so much to the one person that means so much to us. Toss your man a few compliments today about what a great protector he is…
…how much you appreciate his providing ways.
…..how lucky the kids are to have him.
…thank him for slaying them dragons (or winning them fantasy football leagues) in your honor. Even if 95% of what he does you don’t care for.
Look at that 5% and toss all your Love and affection at that! That is if you think he deserves it! If he’s mean to you and treats you horribly.
Well, never mind then. 🙂 Until we connect again, I wish your Marriage many blessings and if ever you need an “insider” towards the mind of your husband, you’ve got your very own Husband Whisperer here!